The house is growing!

13 out of 17 storeys in one year is surely fast work. And then our little home will be ready. Coupled with the purchase of the dress, the new job and the finalised venue and date, everything seems to be falling nicely.

Can you blame me for being all mushy and soppy? Awwww.

Vows

There was a time when I had thought writing our own, personal wedding vows was a good idea. His reaction then had been telling: “Err are you sure you want me to write my own vows?”

Okay, maybe not then.

Something like this would be nice although I think it’s beyond him:
“I could promise to hold you, and to cherish you. I could promise to be there, in sickness and in health. I could say till death do us part. But I won’t. Those vows are for optimistic couples, the ones full of hope. I do not stand here on my wedding day optimistic or full of hope. I am not optimistic. I am not hopeful. I am sure.” ~Grey’s Anatomy

Be home safe, don’t get eaten up by the cute little koalas and I will see you soon.

Hold on to patience

After Hong Kong (and Harry Potter, one might add, with a tear or two), my life seems to changed in the smallest of ways.

I’d like to think that the boyfriend and I are not terribly rah-rah and we have, more or less, settled back into our normal lives after the whole proposal thing. But there are little differences in how we look at each other and view the world. We observe the people around us and vow not to make the same mistakes as they did in their marriages, we are more mindful of how we spend our hard-earned money and sometimes, I catch him rubbing my ring finger when we are hand in hand, as if wondering where the ring had gone.

There are so many reasons as to why I love him but I think the most beautiful reason is not for us to know but for the unseen hands that brought us together to savour and relish.

……….
How long is the road

How long is the ride

How long is the darkness till we get to the light

Go easy on me

Cause you already know

No matter the distance I’ll stay on the road to your heart

Lately, I have been putting Corrinne May’s debut album, “Fly Away” on repeat mode.

I love her sophomore effort, I really do, but I think “Fly Away” tugs at my heartstrings more so than “Safe in a Crazy World“. Perhaps it’s because “Fly Away” had kept me company during the darkest moments of my life, when I would lie in bed in the silence of the night while her warm and comforting voice took me back to those days, those moments, those memories.

Four years later, things have changed and I am no longer that girl with shards of glass caught in her heart. I no longer cry in my bed for what I could not prevent. But her songs remain as beautiful as they were in my memories and there are others around me who are struggling to pick up the remnants of their lives and move on again, like I did.

Walk away, I want to tell them, you’re worth more than he’ll ever realize/Baby, walk away/Spare yourself this pain/Can’t you see that he’s not worth it?

Some of us get over pain quicker than others but no matter what, we have to come to the realization that even as we mourn, the world continues revolving and life does not stop for us. Taking steps forward may mean uncertain future but it also signifies courage and strength. We may falter but with each step we take, we become stronger.

And if you should ever fall, I will be there to hold your hand and pull you up again.

Growing old with you

Will you still hold my hands and admire the sunset with me when we are old, grey and wrinkly?

Will you still love me when time has left its vestige on my aspect, when I no longer look upon things in childlike wonder, when age has hampered my mobility and when the years have robbed me of my youth?

Will you still feel the compulsion to hold me when I no longer resemble the 18-year-old girl you fell in love with, when the white hairs run in streaks through my head, when all that’s taut now inches closer towards gravity?

Will you, then, still look upon me and feel the same gush of emotion that you felt when you first said you loved me, whenever we pass a milestone and erect our names in history, when you decided our lives are intertwined forever?

Backward, forward

Just now, I looked through my jewellery box and found a rusty old ring of mine. I had fallen hard for the Perlini’s silver ring during my second year of JC – it was matt silver with a single, ickle crystal in the middle. It had cost me a princely $35 then and had been a joint purchase.

It only struck me later that I had tossed it into the bin without a second thought.

After almost 8 years, it’s finally at where it should have gone a long time ago.

………………..

The boyfriend turned to me, as we sat in the bus that runs in Sentosa while the rain poured around us, and asked me in a genuinely perplexed tone why I wanted to hold our wedding there.

I pondered for a nanosecond before replying, honestly, that I couldn’t really say why. It was one of those feelings, I said, like how I had coveted that Zara dress.

He burst out laughing, even though it was grey and miserably cold and we were late for our appointment and there had not been any parking lots in the hotel (hence the bus).

Despite the prohibitive prices, I am glad we are going ahead because, as he said, “it’s once in a lifetime so let’s make it a spectacular one.”

………………..

Even though I am not a Christian, I have always been fascinated by the idea of walking down the aisle and having my father give me away. I admire and respect the process of reciting the wedding vows and exchanging rings, it somehow lends more weight to the ceremony. It shouldn’t be just a 20-minute formality where the highlight is the signing of the certificate.

Watching this couple’s videography of their wedding brought tears into my eyes. And I know, I want a ceremony as solemn and filled with love as theirs.

My dad may not be able to walk me down the aisle but I think my mother would be a more than remarkable replacement.

Happy Father’s Day, Dad. Wherever you are.

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